In life and relationships it appears that many people have an all or nothing mentality. Perhaps putting everything they have into a relationship, job, hobby etc., as that is what feels good. I think that every human being falls victim to this pattern/habit at some point in their life. The problem is that when you are placing all of your eggs in one basket it doesn't lead to a very healthy, well rounded or even satisfying life.
Human beings are made to want relationships. For the most part, it's comforting and rewarding to have someone that wants to be a part of your life and cares for you. However, many people settle for someone they really don't care for or that is a poor match because they are so afraid of being alone. Hopping from one relationship to the next, never giving themselves time to truely get to know themselves.
When you are single you are forced to take care of yourself; give yourself validation, meet your own needs and fill your time. I think that is the part that's hard for a lot of people; being left with the silence and quietness of their life and mind. Our society is so busy trying to fill our lives with things and even people that don't matter or add to it. Remember that saying, "quality of quantity." It applies to pretty much everything in life.
Having had a few relationships before meeting my husband I found myself temporarily falling into the "dating pattern," moving from one person to the next. This pattern was not working for me, so I took a break. I focused on myself, my friends and family, hobbies, body, the list goes on and on. To be honest my life rocked! I spent time with only people I really cared about and enjoyed being around, I did things that I wanted to do, and really developed my self as a person! I highly recommend being single for at least a little while in life!
When I met my husband, I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want. But, I also knew myself, how my mind worked and what wanted in life. I also brought a lot to the table. During my single time I excelled in school, got an awesome internship at a hospital, started running and doing yoga daily, had an amazing group of friends and did some pretty awesome stuff! I really enjoyed my life and didn't need anyone in it to fill a vacant space.I think that is part of what makes my relationship with my husband so great. We both bring a lot to table, we are interesting, well rounded human beings. I'm not trying to give myself airs, I think this is something most of us are very capable of achieving.
I noticed that my life was like a cake, I had to find the ingredients I needed to bake the perfect cake and came to the understanding that my significant other is just the icing. Cake is perfectly fine without the icing, it really often doesn't need it. The icing just adds to it and makes it better!
I encourage you, whether you are in a relationship or single to take a step back and look at your life like a cake.What ingredients do you bring to the table? Are you spending time developing yourself as a human being?
In one of my counseling classes we studied the "Person-hood Circle." Below is an adaptation of what we studied.
So find the ingredients you need to bake your perfect cake...and then start looking at what kind of icing you want on it!
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