For Better or Worse

 Coming from a broken home, I must admit that I did not have the healthiest perspective or even understanding of what marriage really means. In my profession you learn a lot from books about marriage counseling, the five languages of love etc. etc. For me this stuff really only scratches the surface. Having had a few very surface level relationships, before meeting my husband; I furthered my unhealthy ideas about love and relationships. I must say that being loved by a real man, with real honest to goodness values and a healthy understanding of marriage has helped heal my dark and twisted heart.

 

I remember in the beginning of our marriage when things really started to get "real," we would have minor arguments. I also remember each time he did something that upset me I viewed it as a dent or scratch in the beautiful perfect wall that was our marriage. I told this to my husband one day; "his reply" that's why you fix the wall! I never looked at this way before. 

Another wonderful aspect that my husband has added to my life, is having two sets of grandparents that are madly in love. I mean it, that "Notebook" worthy love that our generation wants so desperately, but doesn't seem to want to work very hard for. I'm not saying that many don't work hard in their marriages. I've seen friends work harder than most in marriages that resulted in divorce. I think part of the problem was that one or both parties didn't take their marriage vows seriously. In a world of instant gratification, click of a button apps and answers and fast food everywhere, it's really hard for us to plant seeds and watch them grow.

Coming back to my husband's grandparents. We recently lost my husband's Grandmother, Sadie Harrell at the age of 83. She was married to her husband Charlie Gilbert "C.G." Harrell for over 62 years. Together they had four children, buried two, went through countless other trials and tribulations. These two individuals lived their marriage values every single day for better or worse, richer or poorer and sickness and health. Obviously there were moments where they were annoyed or frustrated with each other. But, from both parties accounts they never really ever fought in their whole 62 years of marriage. You could see the look of love and adoration in their eyes when they saw each other, spoke of, or to each other. It was beyond moving to witness this kind of love.

I keep finding my self thinking about this kind of love. The kind of love that doesn't quit when it gets hard, that has integrity, values and is trustworthy. The kind of love that UNDERSTANDS what they are committing to when they say their wedding vows. I truly feel that by some magical grace I have been granted this kind of love. He annoys me to no end some times and I annoy him ALOT; but at the end of the day we laugh about it! I love his flaws and I know he loves mine. I'm proud to be his wife, the mother of his son, and I hope to one day raise our son to be just like him.  

I started reading our wedding vows out of interest in writing this post. I think it's something I may do regularly with my husband. I love the tingly feelings I get in my stomach when I think about the moment that our lives were sown together. 

Here are some of the parts of our vows:

 

 

"And so, too, I ask you , Sarah, gladly and of your own free will,  will you have Jeremy to be your husband?    Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him, through all the circumstances of life, and forsaking all others, keep only to him as long as you both shall live?

 

Sarah, as now I take you to be my wife,

I pledge myself

to laugh with you in joy,

to grieve with you in sorrow,

to grow with you in love,

and to remain faithful to you alone

as long as we both shall live.

This is my promise to you."

 

We live these vows every day, it makes me proud. Not to brag because we have been through some very real hard times, but what I think has helped us always get through them is that same unwavering through and through love and devotion for each other. I knew who my husband was when we got married good and bad and that is what I signed up for. For me a very helpful realization came soon after our son turned one; after we had, had a few ups and downs. I noticed that, that is what marriage is; a circle you start at the top and it's great and something happens and you end in a valley. You then decide to work hard and work through and you climb out of that valley and are back on top again.

 

To finish, below is an Irish blessing given to us at our wedding. 

 

 

May love and laughter light your days 

and warm your hearts and home.

May good and faithful friends be yours 

wherever you may roam.

May peace and plenty bless your world 

with joy that long endures.

May all life’s passing seasons

bring the best to you and yours.  Amen