Booty Tales

I remember around age 15, I was told that I had a really nice butt, "a bubble butt in fact." A flat small behind has never been my problem. In fact, during my teens and early twenties I had a really nice body, that I did nothing to deserve. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and never felt bad about it. I would occasionally work out, but only because I thought I looked cool.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Battle of the Butt

Then it happened, the freshmen 15. Yuck! If you don't know know me, I'm short and fairly muscular. Which means that gaining 2-5 lbs is very obvious and when I gain weight it always ends up on my toosh and thighs. So around 22 I started to have to work for my body. Exercise became a necessity and paying attention to things like calories and fat content took over. I also began to obsess about my weight and what my body image. I will admit I am on the vain side, but I think most women are! (You have to pay attention to how you look, especially since everything is now documented on facebook).

 Once my body changed and I gained a little weight I started to have some mild body issues. I always wanted to be thin and almost scrawny, I viewed my well shaped legs and thighs as big and wanted what some might call "chicken legs." I even started to have disdain for my lovely "bubble butt." Then I met my husband, who happens to be a "butt man." Go figure! He would go on and on about how much he liked by butt and thighs and that they were the perfect size. I thought he was on crack! 

Then the Butt-astrophy happened. I got pregnant....and not the cute only pregnant in the front kind of pregnant. I started to wonder if I was not pregnant from the behind! I also developed Pre-Eclampsia or Toxemia as some people call it which caused me to gain 45 lbs of pure water weight! This was so not fair, because I was the epitome of health. Eating only the healthiest foods, working out and doing Yoga daily. Once my amazing son Jerry was born I had some work to do!

Being a mother is a full time job, then add an actual full time job and running a house hold. When do you make time for toning the tush? One of the most ugly parts of pregnancy for a lot of women, including me was the cellulite. Which unfortunately did not disappear as soon as my soon was born. However, I was able to loose all the baby weight and get my body pretty much back to normal and looking good. If you read my previous blog post Beach Body Motivation you can read about my most recent complaint of having to workout every day to maintain my body!

Booty Maintance

In an effort to get my body exactly how I want it, which is pretty much like the picture above. I purchased Leonardo Carvalho's Brazil Butt Lift, which I must say is amazing!

"ARE YOU READY

TO GET THE BEST BUTT  

OF YOUR LIFE?"

I've been doing Brazil Butt lift for 4 days now and I can notice a difference! More importantly my husband, who is not overly thick on the compliments NOTICED! The workouts are hard but fun! It is defiantly worth the money! 

 

Here is some information from the Booty Makeover Guide, that came with the program. 

 

What makes Brazil Butt Lift different from all the over workouts that promise to deliver a great butt? The secret is Leoandro's cutting-edge TriAngle Training technique.Which works the three major muscles of the buttocks: the gluteus maximus, medius and minimus, working them from countless angles to lift, firm and shape the perfect behind.  

 

Your Booty Blueprint: All Butts are not the same.

The Program comes with a guide so that you can choose a workout within the program that addresses your unique issues.

1. TOO FLAT or SQUARE:

2. PEAR SHAPE

3. TOO BIG

4. COMBINATION (For those that can't figure out what type they have, and is also used for maintenance once completing the four week program).

You then complete the Pencil Test, to see if your butt has enough lift. "Simply take a pencil and place it in the crease where your butt meets the top of the back of your thigh. If the pencil and stays put or actually disappears, your butt lacks the LIFT that reduces the crease. 

Needless to say you want the pencil to fall to the ground!

Extra Stuff:

The program also includes:

6-DAY SUPERMODEL SLIM DOWN: a proven workout and meal plan to help you loose 6lbs and 6 inches in 6 days. (The Brazil Butt Lift is a 4 week Program, this is an extra).

RESISTANCE BAND: specifically created for use on the buttocks and thighs. This latex band provides an extra boost of lower-body resistance to sculpt those hard to reach areas. 

THE PENCIL: need I say more!

TRIANGLE TRAINING CARDS: these cards contain step-by-step instructions and photos to lift, firm and shape your butt. Use Leondro's signature moves to brush up your technique or create your own workout on the go!

Keep following for my next post which will include some of the secrets and information from the Triangle Training Cards!

  

Beach Body Motivation

 Is it OK to include being a little shallow or into your looks as part of your quest for "Balance of Self?"

 I think so!

As these lovely Victoria's Secret models remind us yearly, Beach season is upon us!

 I'm ashamed to admit that, I've been slacking in the taking care of my body aspect of balancing my life. Which is why I've decided to write this blog post. Life happens and we fall off track; we put our yoga matts, and running shoes aside and spend some time on the couch. But then it happens; mean old nasty cellulite, fat, jiggle and flab starts to creep up on us.

I was complaining to my husband about this. Here is part of our conversation.

Me: "It's just not fair! I only used to workout for a month or so a few times a year and eat healthy some of the time and my body still looked hot. I don't want to have to work out every day!" 
Jeremy: " Sorry, but that's part of life! You had a baby and you are not 22."

Me: "Still not fair. I really like being hot! I don't want to be fat!"

The conversation progresses, "Hulu" me makes an appearance and I decide that I will be fat forever.

Jeremy: "You are hot! You act like there is nothing you can do about getting back in shape. All you have to do is eat healthy and work out for a few weeks and your body is back to perfect! If you stick to your goals you would always be happy with your body!"

Why does he have to be right so often? I hate it!

Beach Body Overhaul: The Plan

Cardio-Vascular Training:

In order to blast fat cardio is a must. "Any time you want reduce fat, cardio needs to be done. Perform any type of cardio that involves a backward swing of your upper legs, such as running, elliptical training, rowing and Spinning." (Kevin Rall, Livestrong.com). One article says 45 minutes, 5 times a week, and another says 60-90 minutes, at least three times a week. Take your pick. 

Here is some cardio motivation!

Muscle Building Exercises:

According to Women's Health Magazine "When your goal is to torch calories in a hurry, the secret is to do sets of two moves back-to-back with no rest. Trainers call this a "superset," and it can increase your metabolic rate by 13 percent.

Plank:

1. Start by lying face down on the ground or use an exercise mat. Place your elbows and forearms underneath your chest.
2. Prop yourself up to form a bridge using your toes and forearms.
3. Maintain a flat back and do not allow your hips to sag towards the ground.

Hold position. If you are a beginner start by attempting to hold for 30 seconds and continue to build up your time.

Target Muscles

1. The Core - Abdominals, Hips, Back

Lunges:

 1. Stand with your feet hip width apart and hold dumbells at your sides.
2. Step forward with your right foot.
3. Bend both knees to lower your body toward the floor.
4. Once your right thigh forms a 90 degree angle and your left knee is an inch above the floor stand and bring your foot back to the starting point
5. After breifly pausing, repeat the lunge with your left leg.

Continue to alternate back and forth until you've done 10 to 12 reps with each leg.

Target Muscles

1. Hamstrings and also your quadriceps. 

Pushups:

1. Kneel. Place your hands flat against the floor in front of you. 

2. Space your arms a little bit wider than shoulder-width apart. 

3. Keep your back and shoulders straight and rigid. 

4. Slowly lower your upper body toward the floor, bending your elbows until your chest almost touches the ground.

5.  Push your body away from the floor, straightening your arms as you do so. 

6. Perform as many repetitions as possible. Rest on your toes instead of your knees to increase the intensity.

Rest on your toes instead of your knees to increase the intensity. 

Worlds Best Ab Workout! No Joke

By doing Debbie Sibers Slim in 6-Pack workout everyday I can always get my six pack back within days! Give it a try. You will love it, mean it!

 I ordered The Brazilian Butt Lift workout from Beach Body. Hopefully it will give me the lifting and toning I want! Will keep you posted on this one.

The Perfect Tan:

For me to feel good in my bikini or naked I need a tan; I hate being pale! However, with the risks of skin cancer and saggy sun damaged skin, I'm going to load up on the SPF! No age spots or wrinkles for this chick please!

It's much classier and healthier to get a tan from an Airbrush Tanning Salon or out of a Bottle.

Air Brush Tanning:

Airbrush tanning, also known as sunless tanning, is a process which uses products containing dihydroxyacetone. This substance reacts with the amino acids in your skin to form a natural looking tan. The tan is initially sprayed on and will continue to darken for approximately 12 hours. For best results you will want someone to apply the tanning mixture with a hand-held airbrush or spray gun. This will help ensure complete and even coverage.

My friend Kristi Buswell, Kristi Buswell Airbrush Makeup & Airbrush Tanning is one of the most beautiful and successful self made women I know, she also provides the best Airbrush Tanning

For an appointment please email or call Kristi Buswell ktbuswell@yahoo.com 979-997-3468

Hopefully this motivates and inspires some! I know I am really ready for my beach body and airbrush tan, so I can look and feel like a Victoria Secret model this summer!

My Cake: Finding the Ingredients Necessary for a Healthy Balanced Life

In life and relationships it appears that many people have an all or nothing mentality. Perhaps putting everything they have into a relationship, job, hobby etc., as that is what feels good. I think that every human being falls victim to this pattern/habit at some point in their life. The problem is that when you are placing all of your eggs in one basket it doesn't lead to a very healthy, well rounded or even satisfying life.

Human beings are made to want relationships. For the most part, it's comforting and rewarding to have someone that wants to be a part of your life and cares for you. However, many people settle for someone they really don't care for or that is a poor match because they are so afraid of being alone. Hopping from one relationship to the next, never giving themselves time to truely get to know themselves.

When you are single you are forced to take care of yourself; give yourself validation, meet your own needs and fill your time. I think that is the part that's hard for a lot of people; being left with the silence and quietness of their life and mind. Our society is so busy trying to fill our lives with things and even people that don't matter or add to it. Remember that saying, "quality of quantity." It applies to pretty much everything in life.

Having had a few relationships before meeting my husband I found myself temporarily falling into the "dating pattern," moving from one person to the next. This pattern was not working for me, so I took a break. I focused on myself, my friends and family, hobbies, body, the list goes on and on. To be honest my life rocked! I spent time with only people I really cared about and enjoyed being around, I did things that I wanted to do, and really developed my self as a person! I highly recommend being single for at least a little while in life!

When I met my husband, I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want. But, I also knew myself, how my mind worked and what wanted in life. I also brought a lot to the table. During my single time I excelled in school, got an awesome internship at a hospital, started running and doing yoga daily, had an amazing group of friends and did some pretty awesome stuff! I really enjoyed my life and didn't need anyone in it to fill a vacant space.I think that is part of what makes my relationship with my husband so great. We both bring a lot to table, we are interesting, well rounded human beings. I'm not trying to give myself airs, I think this is something most of us are very capable of achieving.

I noticed that my life was like a cake, I had to find the ingredients I needed to bake the perfect cake and came to the understanding that my significant other is just the icing. Cake is perfectly fine without the icing, it really often doesn't need it. The icing just adds to it and makes it better!

I encourage you, whether you are in a relationship or single to take a step back and look at your life like a cake.What ingredients do you bring to the table? Are you spending time developing yourself as a human being?

In one of my counseling classes we studied the "Person-hood Circle." Below is an adaptation of what we studied.

I think this chart provides a great perspective on all the things in life we need be constantly working on and paying attention to. This is what makes up our cake! If we pay too much attention to one or two things in life the others become neglected and we as a person suffer greatly.

So find the ingredients you need to bake your perfect cake...and then start looking at what kind of icing you want on it!

Rule the Mind

A post from my previous blog back in June.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about controlling the kinds of thoughts that enter my mind…again that lovely little mantra I have pops up, “What you think is what you feel.” Then poof magically all the negative, unhealthy thoughts that were setting up camp in my mind disappear! Well not so much; actually not at all. To me its very similar to the reaction I have when someone tells me not to do something, it makes me want to do that something even more. So how do I over come this? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? Shock Therapy perhaps?

I’m starting to think the answer to having positive thoughts radiate from my mind constantly is…drum roll please…Self-Discipline!

“Rule your mind or it will rule you.” -Horace (See they knew this even in ancient Greece).

Other greats like Aristotle and Plato seemed to have this thought control/ discipline down as well.

“We are what we repeatedly do, excellence is not an act, but a habit.”-Aristotle

“The first & best victory is to conquer self.”-Plato

Are we inspired yet? I sure am.
A mental image that comes to mind when I think about self-discipline is the movie The Last Samurai 2003 staring Tom Cruise. (For the record I am not a Tom Cruise fan and for that matter, I do not like action movies or anything closely related). So why has The Last Samurai been burnt into my brain for almost 8 years? I believe it is because this movie radiates self-discipline! Please don’t quote me because I’m saying this from memory, but somewhere near the beginning of the movie when Tom Cruise’s character arrives in the small Japanese Village he notes how “perfect everything is.” Then he goes on to say that each villager strives for perfection. Perfection in everything they do, from planting in the garden to pouring tea; everything is done to the best of ones ability. Since 2003 I have been very intrigued by this concept of striving to do everything to the best of my ability.

So repeatedly I’ll go for it! All guns blazing and everything…and I have a day or two where everything is done almost perfectly!…and then I burn myself out. This doing everything “well” is a lot of work and quite frankly exhausting. Consequently I loose motivation and give up my quest for balance, positivity and a clean well organized house etc. Well here I am; I went for it!…not so successfully. So what can I do differently?
For starters I’m going to say, “lets start smaller.” Then I’m thinking how do I cultivate a sense of Self-Discipline that Horace, Aristotle, Plato and the likes would be proud of?

Here is the plan:
 
1. Start smaller: Take on one or two tasks that I can accomplish more easily. Then grow from there.
 
2.Realize that it takes time: Therefore I’m not going to give up when I don’t get the instant gratification I love so dearly.
 
3. Sacrifice: Accept the fact that in order to have the success I want, I’ll need to wake up earlier, limit the TV. time etc. For the record since this post in June, we got rid of our cable and spend a lot more time together as a family, reading, working out and getting stuff done around the house!
 
4. Consistency: Keep with it. Find a pattern that works and attempt to do it in a similar fashion and standard as often and possible.

5.Make it a Habit: do it every day no matter what!
This quote really motivated me!
“Self-discipline is a form of freedom. Freedom from laziness and lethargy, freedom from the expectations and demands of others, freedom from weakness and fear-and doubt. Self-discipline allows a pitcher to feel his individuality, his inner strength, his talent. He is master of, rather than a slave to, his thoughts and emotions.” -H.A. Dorfman (The Mental ABCs of Pitching)

So here is to Success, Will-Power, Greatness and Change!

Having it all

The Vicious Cycle
Here is the thing. My looks are really important to me, but so is my job as a wife and mother! It's always been important to me to run a house well! I almost need things to be organized, clean, and streamlined; my husband definitely does. I've noticed that when my house is unorganized and messy my anxiety acts up. I've also noticed that I loose my motivation to do anything. Then here we are talking about a different kind of cycle...The Vicious One!

My vicious cycle is really not a fun ride. I will do really well for quite some time, keep my house immaculate, loose weight, teach Yoga. Then Bam! That darn cycle bites me! So it starts with perhaps slacking off on the meals and dining out a little too much. Then I decide that I need some relaxation time, instead of working out. Perhaps a few pounds creep back up and I begin feeling even lazier. My house starts to get messy and I feel defeated! Usually this only lasts a few days to a week, but geeze it takes the wind out of my sails. With everything in me I want to be the perfect wife and mother. So how do you do it?

 

Find Balance!

But really how do we find balance? Here are some of the ideas I've come up with based on my own successes and failures! Consider me your own personal guinie pig! 

1. Have Organization in your life!

I really want to be an organized person, I have every intention of doing this and sometimes I do a great job. But then other things get in the way. Which brings me to my next point.

2. Have Structure: 

Eat your meals at the same time everyday (this is actually a biggie for weight loss). Have a routine, if you are going to do it all, you need to make some sacrifices. For me I know that I need to wake up and get things done early in the day, because I'm a lost cause at night!

3. Have Discipline: 

In order to have organization and structure in your life you need to have self discipline. Which is not an easy thing to master.

4. Make Time only for the Important Things in your Life:

 I've realized that if I want to have it all, some things are going to have to go. One of them being frequent leisure. By frequent leisure, I'm saying laying flat on my butt doing nothing, which is pretty awesome! If you have seen my butt lately, you would see that I've been doing a lot of laying on it! In all seriousness if you want your house to be clean, you want your body to look hot, you want to spend time organizing, doing crafts, birthday parties the list goes on. You have to make some sacrifices.

Making Sacrifices:

The weird thing about making sacrifices is that often once you start to make a habit out of them they stop feeling like sacrifices. When I am doing well at the "Balancing Act" all the sacrifices I make don't feel like a sacrifice, they feel great! So how do you stop from falling off the wagon?

Falling off the Wagon:

Face it it's going to happen. Life is too short to never have a slice of cake or let yourself relax on the couch and do nothing after a hard day of work. But let's face this fact, a day or two off the wagon can really turn your life upside down! From my experience with this, which is quite a lot! You need to plan your trips off the wagon and then plan to get back on. If you want to have it all you need to be a planner! If your planning on taking a day off working out/cleaning/organizing/eating healthy, you're going to have to do some rebound work. So make a plan to get back on the wagon.

Getting Back on the Wagon:

As I previously said you need a plan to get back on the wagon. Plans are a great thing! Especially for mothers, working mothers, females, pretty much human beings in general. It allows us to prioritize and have a visualization for getting things done. Even if that visualization is only in your head. However, I do find that it is much more motivating to have plans written out! So before you take a break from your busy life, make a plan to get back to your life as soon as possible!

With everything we busy women have to do, its very easy to forget about yourself. So pay attention your ques, signs, symptoms, whatever you want to call them. Stay in-tune with yourself, if you know that around two weeks of working out that you are going to relapse into the laying on your butt of the past. Make a plan to power through it! As women we are natural born planners and naturally very in-tune to others. So pay attention to your thoughts, because they become your feelings and pay attention to your feelings because they become your actions! Most importantly pay attention to yourself, you deserve it!

Blessings in Pain

I wrote this post back in July on my previous Blog. I really liked it so I thought I would share!

Change, Challenge, Tribulations and the Route to Enlightenment
Similar to most human beings, this individual has not had a seamless life thus far. At times certain challenges, changes and tribulations have presented themselves on my door step and I must admit that I have not always handled these trials perfectly or even moderately well. Change appears to be a continual ordeal or test of my character on a fairly regular basis…and just as I feel like I am on the cusp of finding my truly “enlightened self,” another change creeps up upon me. These changes are often for the better especially in retrospect, but still seem to shake up the temporary homeostasis that I have strived so hard to achieve. I believe that most humans have a sense of searching and desire for some level of enlightenment, whatever that may be. This individual is no different; I have made dramatic changes that I thought were for the better that have shaken my entire existence to the core. I am a firm believer that we should not judge the choices of another as we never know how a situation feels until we actually experience it. (However, just because I preach this does not mean by any means that I am even close to exemplary in employing it). Although change, challenges and even tribulations cloud what feels like the linear progression towards self-actualization or enlightenment, they are the very foundation that it is built upon.

Self-Actualization & Enlightenment
What I have come to realize is that self-actualization and or enlightenment do not lie outside of ourselves they are situated in the very core of our beings. No change, challenge or tribulation can take this away, although they may make it harder to access it within us. Many of us go searching for things to assist us in finding this level of self or fulfillment of life and the soul…I am one of them.
In my searching I have looked towards things that in the end may have taken me farther away from my true self; turning my back on the things in life that truly delight me because they are not “in.” By not giving into my real self it appears that I may have hindered my soul in finding my true self and achieving my dreams.
So here is to being the true versions of ourselves and the achievements and dreams of the present and future!

“I went looking for my dreams outside of myself and discovered, it’s not what the world holds for you, it’s what you bring to it. …” L.M. Montgomery.

For Better or Worse

 Coming from a broken home, I must admit that I did not have the healthiest perspective or even understanding of what marriage really means. In my profession you learn a lot from books about marriage counseling, the five languages of love etc. etc. For me this stuff really only scratches the surface. Having had a few very surface level relationships, before meeting my husband; I furthered my unhealthy ideas about love and relationships. I must say that being loved by a real man, with real honest to goodness values and a healthy understanding of marriage has helped heal my dark and twisted heart.

 

I remember in the beginning of our marriage when things really started to get "real," we would have minor arguments. I also remember each time he did something that upset me I viewed it as a dent or scratch in the beautiful perfect wall that was our marriage. I told this to my husband one day; "his reply" that's why you fix the wall! I never looked at this way before. 

Another wonderful aspect that my husband has added to my life, is having two sets of grandparents that are madly in love. I mean it, that "Notebook" worthy love that our generation wants so desperately, but doesn't seem to want to work very hard for. I'm not saying that many don't work hard in their marriages. I've seen friends work harder than most in marriages that resulted in divorce. I think part of the problem was that one or both parties didn't take their marriage vows seriously. In a world of instant gratification, click of a button apps and answers and fast food everywhere, it's really hard for us to plant seeds and watch them grow.

Coming back to my husband's grandparents. We recently lost my husband's Grandmother, Sadie Harrell at the age of 83. She was married to her husband Charlie Gilbert "C.G." Harrell for over 62 years. Together they had four children, buried two, went through countless other trials and tribulations. These two individuals lived their marriage values every single day for better or worse, richer or poorer and sickness and health. Obviously there were moments where they were annoyed or frustrated with each other. But, from both parties accounts they never really ever fought in their whole 62 years of marriage. You could see the look of love and adoration in their eyes when they saw each other, spoke of, or to each other. It was beyond moving to witness this kind of love.

I keep finding my self thinking about this kind of love. The kind of love that doesn't quit when it gets hard, that has integrity, values and is trustworthy. The kind of love that UNDERSTANDS what they are committing to when they say their wedding vows. I truly feel that by some magical grace I have been granted this kind of love. He annoys me to no end some times and I annoy him ALOT; but at the end of the day we laugh about it! I love his flaws and I know he loves mine. I'm proud to be his wife, the mother of his son, and I hope to one day raise our son to be just like him.  

I started reading our wedding vows out of interest in writing this post. I think it's something I may do regularly with my husband. I love the tingly feelings I get in my stomach when I think about the moment that our lives were sown together. 

Here are some of the parts of our vows:

 

 

"And so, too, I ask you , Sarah, gladly and of your own free will,  will you have Jeremy to be your husband?    Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him, through all the circumstances of life, and forsaking all others, keep only to him as long as you both shall live?

 

Sarah, as now I take you to be my wife,

I pledge myself

to laugh with you in joy,

to grieve with you in sorrow,

to grow with you in love,

and to remain faithful to you alone

as long as we both shall live.

This is my promise to you."

 

We live these vows every day, it makes me proud. Not to brag because we have been through some very real hard times, but what I think has helped us always get through them is that same unwavering through and through love and devotion for each other. I knew who my husband was when we got married good and bad and that is what I signed up for. For me a very helpful realization came soon after our son turned one; after we had, had a few ups and downs. I noticed that, that is what marriage is; a circle you start at the top and it's great and something happens and you end in a valley. You then decide to work hard and work through and you climb out of that valley and are back on top again.

 

To finish, below is an Irish blessing given to us at our wedding. 

 

 

May love and laughter light your days 

and warm your hearts and home.

May good and faithful friends be yours 

wherever you may roam.

May peace and plenty bless your world 

with joy that long endures.

May all life’s passing seasons

bring the best to you and yours.  Amen

 

 

 

 

 

Letting Go of Resentments

We have all been there; someone has hurt, mistreated, disrespected or even abused us, (for the sake of being concise I will use the term “wronged” as a catch all phrase). When we have been wronged our natural protective and defense mechanisms come out. Some of these protective measures and defense mechanisms are healthy; such as situating the appropriate boundaries. Others for example, allowing anger and grudges to build and fester within you is not healthy. Being angry or holding a grudge may or may not affect the individual you are having the conflict with. However, the main person that it will affect is you. When we allow anger and hatred to fester and grow within in us, it starts to dominate our thoughts, feelings, emotions and even actions. It is important to let go of this negativity so that we can move forward from being wronged and lead a healthy fulfilling life.

Examine your actions:
In order for a conflict to occur there must be two parties. At times we are attacked for no reason; in these cases our actions in no way had a part in the conflict. However, there are other occasions where we have a conflict with an individual where both parties have had a part. Sometimes just paying attention to the negative behavior of another is enough to start a conflict. If we are paying attention to negative behaviors we are feeding into the other person’s negativity. Often it is beneficial to attempt to completely ignore the negativity. In order ignore these behaviors in the most effective manner it is important not to continually voice our frustration with other people. It is important to express your feelings healthily, but do so in a manner where you are not allowing these behaviors to infiltrate your cognition’s.
Sometimes an individual’s negativity is temporary and by ignoring it we may be assisting in allowing an otherwise good relationship to continue. On the other hand some people are what Judith Orloff M.D. describes as; Emotional Vampires. “Vampires do more than drain our physical energy. The super-malignant ones can make you believe you’re unworthy, unlovable and do not deserve better. The subtler species inflict damage that’s more of a slow burn. Smaller digs here and there can make you feel bad about yourself such as, “Dear, I see you’ve put on a few pounds” or “It’s not lady-like to interrupt.” In a flash, they’ve zapped you by prodding areas of shaky self-worth.”

Boundaries:
If you are dealing with an Emotional Vampire or other such individual putting in place the appropriate boundaries is very important. Often the people that are wronging us are close; family, friends, co-workers etc. Sometimes we cannot simply cut this person out of our life, we may have to see them at work or family functions. If you have attempted in a healthy way on multiple occasions to deal with the conflict and no such resolution has been made or the negative behavior continues it may not be healthy to have a relationship with this person. We can put healthy boundaries up without having to go into an all out war with someone.

Dr. Orloff’s Strategies to Let Resentments Go:
 1. Set Your Intention to Release the Resentment:
Dr. Orloff encourages letting go of resentment so that one may increase their own energy and feel better. First select a target. Maybe you have attempted to discuss the issue with this individual with no results. Or your target may truly be unapproachable. In either case, away from the person, air your resentments without sugarcoating them. Do this in a journal, with a therapist or friend. Expressing your feelings is necessary to forgive.

2. Cultivate Forgiveness
In a quiet moment, really reach to find compassion for the person’s shortcomings, not the deed itself. This may be very hard work. What insecurities or fears motivated them? Why is the person’s heart so closed? What caused their moral blindness? Try to discern the context of the person’s actions. At this point, you may be inwardly able to ask yourself to start to forgive. Perhaps you’re not there yet, this is ok. The request itself sets off a stream of compassion, a cleansing of your system. Repeat the exercise once a day for at least a week. See if your energy improves.

3. Take a Reality Check
As part of forgiveness, take this reality check: People bring a lifetime of wounds to your relationship, which may make their behavior more about them than you. To find forgiveness while endeavoring to heal anger, you must evaluate whom you’re dealing with, the good and the bad. Often, people are just doing the best they can, which may not amount to a hill of beans where you’re concerned, but it does represent the sad truth of the situation. Accepting that truth of someone’s limitations will help you forgive.
Compassion opens a hidden door to a secret world that exists beyond anger. Notwithstanding, the feelings of anger or forgiveness aren’t mutually exclusive. You can simultaneously experience varying degrees of both. Perhaps, at first, you’re a little forgiving and very angry. But when you progress, the scales increasingly tip toward forgiveness as your attachment to anger recedes.
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