How to Know when you can Trust Somone

Figuring out how you can actually trust someone:

Recently someone point blank asked me "how do you know you can actually trust your husband?" My answer......hmmm....well...ahhh, I guess I just trust him. Not very convincing. A day or so after this question was posed, my husband and I sat down and talked about it. Neither one of us was able to come up with a concrete answer; other than that we just do.

I'm not going to lie, there were times in our relationship where I would say I did not completely trust him. So how did we get from there to here? My guess:

• Time: he's proved himself trustworthy over a considerable amount of time.
• Open Communication: Nothing is off limits.
• Love: I think its hard to actually love someone if you don't have faith in them as a person. By faith I mean, faith that they won't hurt you.

Things to Consider:

The past is the past:

Tell that to someone that has been hurt... it probably wont get you very far. But really its the truth. Someone may have cheated, lied and been a bad partner to someone else; but does that mean they will do that to you? I don't think so. However, only if they have truely learned and grown as a person. People change over time and hopefully those changes are for the better. If you're with someone that is not changing for the better, perhaps thats something to consider.

Trust has different levels:

There are lots of people I would trust with say a dollar, something small or of little value to me. However, there are very few I would trust with my entire bank account, child, or even heart. I think it's important to determine the value of what your attempting to trust someone with.

Trusting is a risk:

Accept the fact that there is a risk in trusting. Yes you could get hurt, but chances are you have been hurt before and here you are alive! Perhaps the hurt/hurts are recent or the pain is still fresh no matter how recent. Either way you have to allow yourself time to heal. But not just time, you need to be an active particpant in your healing.

Fill your life with positive things, people and habits. Start by taking care of yourself physically; eating well, exercising, pampering etc. Find a hobby; crafts, sports, exercise (not drinking!) Invest in people that will invest in you. Spend time talking and doing things with people who truley know your value and that you trust...(So you can practice letting your guard down)!

You need to fully trust someone to truely expereience love....I think its worth the risk!
(Just be smart about it).

Trust Research:

So I've done a little bit of research and found some helpful tips to answer this question: I'll start with the ones I think are most beneficial/important.

1. Avoid giving trust to self-centered individuals: These kinds of people only know how to think about themselves, their needs, feelings and desires. Either they don't know how or don't want to think about another persons. If someone is truely selfcentered to the bone, they probably should not be trusted.

However, that does not mean that people can't learn to be more selfless and thus more capable of trusting.
Basically in order to trust someone they need to be capable of thinking about how their actions/words etc. affect other people.

2. Have open communication: Communication also includes listening and attempting to understand and appreciate where another is coming from. When you really communicate well with someone, it helps to develop trust as you are mutually sharing your inner most thoughts and feelings. It also helps you to learn/understand the person you are attempting to trust.

3. Lean more about them: Not just the basics, like where they grew up, favorite food, band etc. You need to learn about what motivates them, their feelings, emotions and desires. "You really can't begin to trust someone, until you can truly understand them. Actually, untill you get to a point where you can predict what they'd do. Really examine who they are and learn about them."

4. Observe how they treat others: Trustworthy people, for the most part treat others in their life well. Observe how they act and treat others, as well as how others act around them. What kind of person are they; kind, warm, empathetic, considerate or rude, gruff, mean, hard, irritable? Are they the kind of preson that seems to bring out a lot of warm feelings in others?

5. Are they a learner: "Are they the kind of person that listens to others advice? Are they the kind who truly grows and learns from mistake they've made? If you've discovered they're not, then you probably have your answer on whether betraying your trust has truly sunk in enough, to where they would not do it again. Some people feel bad, but it doesn't mean they ever learn. Learners deserve another chance. Non-leraners don't. Figure out if they are a learner."

6. ***GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE***: Perhaps I should have put this one first. "It's easy to compare a person or relationship to one in the past. Not everyone is the SAME, or aren't willing to learn. You can't continue to think that way, otherwise you are never going to be able to give someone a real chance at trust. Everyone at least deserves a chance, so be fair and give them one! Don't use the past as a reason not to have an open mind. The past is the past and you're are in the present!"

Decide what you are worth:

To finish, I think it is important to determine your worth as a human being. If you feel you are not worth much or are unsure of your worth, perhaps you need to work on your self esteem. I think people need to value your trust for more reasons than one. Be the kind of person that others want to gain trust from.
More to follow on developing that kind of self-esteem!